Our Boys

We've got a whole host of Greedy Old Pollutocrat boys carrying our water. What we would we do without them?

Mitch McConnell

He's already showing the world how much he loves us. Barely two days after promising to find common ground with Obama, we've been able to "help" him see the light. He's now insisting that approving Keystone XL and preventing the EPA from limiting climate change are the most important things to focus on. We love this guy!!!

Paul Ryan

He's a big loveable Blue-eyed disciple of Ayn Rand, and someday he's going to be our President. His devotion to re-writing America's social contract is inspirational. Don't worry, we'll find a way to bring the Pope on board!

Scott Walker

This man has been ridiculously loyal to us and our principles, from slashing the union's right to collective bargaining to fighting an increase in the minimum wage. What a guy - maybe we'll put him on the ticket with Ryan.

The Supremes

These men have done more for us that we ever could have asked! There will be something under the tree for you boys! (wink, wink, nod, nod)